It was like a dream come true. Being a writer was my dream from childhood. I was suffering from stammering then. Upon getting emotional I even stammer today. But there started my flair to write. My new book is in stores. I heard from my agents that my writing has been accepted by our folks and getting good reviews in magazines and blogs. Felt OK.
Yeah! Feeling good is very distant for me. I dunno what would make me feel good. My sis when she called me to congratulate on book release said “Prasanna! The problem with you is you don’t want to be happy” True. But sometimes at least I try to be funny. Hope this will work someday.
I had stopped writing for few years. Those were the years I was madly running behind money. Not so good at studies, I need to work hard for the money and position. I was in love too. But career took more space in my relationship. Eventually we broke up.
I was lost, I didn’t understand why that happened. I called me one day and said, “This will not work out. We will not be happy, if we are together Prasanna. Lets part”. It was a big blow for me. My running in the career ground was powered and fueled by the belief of this girl is behind me. Nothing mattered. Those are the years I would wish to rubbed off from my life. Fighting hangover everyday, trying to work. Image in office had gone for a toss and to soothe myself, I started writing.
It was “Letters to I..” I almost put my heart into it. I told what I always wanted to tell her for all those days. It was filled with love, affection and anger and every emotion my heart-felt. It was a very personal possession of mine. My sister happened to see this one day. She encouraged me to write more.. I started a blog.
My sister with a lot of amendments with my approval edited “Letters to I..” and found a publisher to publish it. I was neither happy nor against publishing that. It will not matter however. She will never come back. I started indulging in other activities like photography, hitchhiking, biking etc.
And now I am in this park for a photography session. Like minded photographers were taking a close stare on small flowers with their lenses and I was happily clicking the landscape.
“Prasanna….” I heard that voice which woke me up for a thousand times and kissed me good night more than that. I was amazed to see I there.
“I never expected to see you here” I blurted something out.
“Me too. But things happen for us always. Dont you think?” She asked.
“I think yes. So how have you been? Seems that you changed your number” I asked.
“I am fine. I was watching you for more than half hour now. Can I have a look at your clicks?” she asked, carefully avoiding the question about phone number.
We settled on a nice bench under a shady tree. It was good-bye time for the fellow shutter bugs. And she was commenting about my clicks.
I learnt photography from you I. It was you who taught me to compose shots with the Sony Erickson W710i. It was the start of my journey.
I saw a nice young chap with really nice casual dress walk towards us. I almost cried inside thinking that would be her new boyfriend. But he had my newly published book in his hand.
“I knew I could find you here. I was following you on your blog. I just came to get a sign from you?” he said. Somehow there was an emptiness in his eyes which I cannot explain.
It was a new experience for me. I never thought I would sign a book written by me for someone.
“Name?” I asked beaming.
“Vyas but sign it for Ila”
“She was my girlfriend. As her name starts with I, I believe she can relate it well”
Now, I was staring at me confused. I explained about the book that is recently published and it was evident that she had forgotten her habit of reading books. Or is it unpopularity I dunno.
“What happened Vyas?” I asked.
Vyas sat between us with his head in his hand. It’s not always a pleasant sight to watch a nice chap crying in front of you. All I could do was to put my hand around his shoulder and let him cry. He finished after 7 minutes. It was uncomfortable to have I there. But she understood I think.
“When you came near me with the book, I thought you would beat the shit out of me for this crap” I tried to joke, but got angry stares from both.. Oops I had the book with her and she had finished 10 pages already.
“No, I was never good at telling what I think Prasanna. I never did. That was the reason. But when we say I love you once, doesn’t it cover everything. Why don’t they expect us to say it time to time.” Vyas.
“It’s just like you want her to understand that you are busy when you’re not replying her text”.
“But that pain cannot even be compared to what she had given me. Dont you think? She left me for nothing”
“You don’t know Vyas. Even i wonder if anybody knew why women take such decisions. It’s the pain stacked over the days, months and years. Pain is Pain.”
“I wonder she would come back to me if she reads this” Vyas said to me looking at the book which is now in I’s hand. She had gone more than 30 pages now.. Quite fast reader I must say.
“I don’t want to discourage you Vyas. But even I didn’t write that book expecting her to come back to me. It was her decision to move on and It is my decision to vent out everything in paper. But try your best and don’t give up.”
Vyas said “In my opinion, every girl must read that to understand what they mean to their boyfriends”
“Thats the biggest complement I have ever got. But even before this book they know that. When you held her hand first and looked into her eyes, she knew that she is the world for you. It could be equally hard for her to move on. But she did. But again, lets hope for the best”
Vyas left us alone again.
I said “You write well Prasanna. Only you could make me cry a second and laugh the next second with your writings”
“Thats because you relate it with you”
“There is no other choice. I and you know I am the girl for whom you have written this 180 page book. But Prasanna, do you think my say on this issue will go unheard”
“To be objective, yes. People feel sympathized for the first crier. Not the one who justifies. But your take would be equally acceptable as mine”
“Will you write it for me Prasanna?I dont want to be a cheater. I want my side spoken.”
“I will do that sure. But when can we start.” I asked. I thought it would be perfect for reconciliation.
“In 40 years, when I have my responsibilities over. I would dare speak about this again. Until then bye Prasanna” I rose and started walking. I was hoping that she would turn back at some point of time. But she didn’t.
What do you think? By musings and crying the first person will get all the sympathy but how does anyone know what had happened? Strange Isnt it?