She walked through my bay to the HR room. I learnt that she had come for a position in my office she had yearned for. It’s been three years but I am pretty sure that her goals would not have changed much. I can’t keep my eyes away from her much to my embarrassment. You cant really put it into words when you r ex-girlfriend walks into your office for an interview and you are pretty sure that she is going to crack it.
We parted three years before. It wasn’t smooth at all. Mostly because of me. Mostly because of me being me. I vividly remember that 7 Am of one October morning when she asked me “Why is it appears to me that you are going to cry any moment?”
“Its because we both know now or any moment you are going to say me good-bye”
She never did. But she left me. It was hard. When you really lose someone you love, you don’t just get over it. You just get used to it. I just got used to the everyday, every minute, and every second routine of thinking of her.
A week later she joined in our office much to my dismay. I am not going to be me in office again. Things change so much. The once colorful and cheerful office now looks dark and gloomy just because I know I may breakdown any time.
What if she finds a new friend other than me in office? Will I able to take the fact they are just going for a coffee at the break? Will I be able to accept that the person you loved, who once you had for you is sitting in your office just ignoring you? Is it only to me or does it feel the same to her? Should I drop my paper or will she do it before me? Its not necessarily that an answer will soothe you. But the questions will obviously torture you.
She came to know that I am working in the office as well. She really didn’t make an attempt to come over and talked to me. She liked playing this stranger watching you game with me I thought. And that one fateful day came, that we had to share the same cab to reach home with one annoying talkative girl with us. The songs, my playlist in the car was against me as it would have told her that I didn’t forget the same playlist we went through again and again in her phone, even in the correct sequence.
“Lovely songs na prasanna?” the talkative started. I knew she will at some point of time but not so soon please.
“Now a days you are giving just one word answers. You are not like before. Why?”
I didn’t say anything, I just asked the driver to change the playlist to something else.
“Why sir? You always insist on playing this when we drive down this road? What happened now?”
Before I could answer the annoying thing in the back seat started
“Oh! Love feelings eh?”
“Will you shut up for some time please?” I literally shouted at her.
My ex-girlfriend came in for her support as the annoying thing started to cry. “You really needn’t do that to her!”
The driver was also surprised as he had not seen me shouting at anyone. I have always been calm and flexible whatever the situation may be. But having your ex in the back seat can do so many things to your mind you know.
The annoying little thing got down at her hostel leaving just two of us in the cab. She started talking.
“The route we came and the playlist absolutely sinks Prasanna. You haven’t changed a bit. “
“I wish I change. But with you forever in my mind. I cannot live like I had not ever met you, you know”
The driver started to give me a look like that girl is hardly one week in office.
“No body dies with broken heart Prasanna”
“I know, I just wish I did”
“Are you the only person affected by the break up? Have I not moved on?”
“I don’t want to comment about it. But I am just wondering all the time. I am just wondering, does it hurt you to look at the places that we’ve been together? Do you get that tiny smile that tugs in your lips for one significant moment and then it dies quickly as you realize where we have end up? Does it hurt you when you near that MRTS station, Park or the Pani poori shop where we used to stand and chat? Do you visualize my figure waiting for you?”
“What if I say, I don’t?”
“I take it as you do”
“You can think whatever you want, but whatever we shared is now over.”
“I knew that. But I am still me, whining and going over and over again, hoping to get a second chance and trying hard to not to mess it up again”
“Its not going to work. No matter what you talk”
“ I am not talking this to you to make you come back to me again. I just hope venting out everything to someone will make it ok for me to be in this office without any problem”
“Am I that disturbance to you Prasanna?”
“It’s not that disturbance. What hurts me more not you are not going to come back. But the fact that we shared some beautiful moments together”
“I always wanted you to be happy. You became so dependent on me that small silly things which I did started irritating you. When you cared for me its like you know, it started like you are going to keep away anything that is unpleasant from me. But it grew to be a personal prison. You are not sad that I have gone Prasanna. The fact that hurts you more is I decided to break free. Break free from the sweetest prison I’ve ever known. “
The rest of the journey was in silence except for few hisses made by the driver. She never turned up to office again. I heard that she put her paper down and didn’t even wait for the formalities to be over. After all it was just a week.
In an unexpected aftermath, the driver of the cab that day left to his native to go and ask his betrothed bride whether he is over-protective or confining her from what she wants. I truly hope they are happy now.
And me, back to my usual way of not knowing whether to hold on or let go.